Talk presented by Bekindr team: Eva Ritvo, MD and D. Craig Calvert

May 2016

WeWork, Miami Beach, FL

 

 

Download PDF of Slides: How to Use Neuroscience To Navigate Miami’s Crazy Dating Scene

Bekindr Dating Talk Outline/Timestamps

(complete audio file timestamps)

  1. Intro to ancient programming: 0:00
  2. Eva at 9:14, 11:52, 13:33, 16:01, and 31:35
  3. Not wired for monogamy: 2:10
    • Sexual drivers for females: 2:10
    • Wired for pairing and sharing: 2:49
  4. Sperm Competition: 0:30, 11:27
  5. Female Copulatory Vocalization : 3:46
  6. Males and Their Hidden Sexual Superpower Detection Skills: 4:58 and 6:34
  7. Stripper Study: 5:31
  8. Birth Control: 6:02, 12:30, and 54:59 (MHC – major histocompatibility complex)
  9. What is beauty: 12:47
  10. Ovulating: 5:31, 13:30
  11. Top 3 Things I learned in residency that apply to dating: 21:11
  12. Porn: 7:08, 47:00
  13. Attachment Style – Awareness (16:51, 20:04) (overall 16:51 to 26:31)
    • Secure:  17:40, 23:55
    • Anxious 18:15, 25:56 (Craig interjects at 19:00 on Anxious dating behavior)
    • Avoidant: 19:14, 59:19
    • Summary of Attachment Styles and Dating Behavior: 20:30
    • Ability to change attachment style? 56:59
    • Neuroplasticity & Attachment Style 57:31, 73:28
      • Male/female resiliency: 74:03
  14. Love Languages at 26.31
  15. Why is dating so crazy in Miami (and in general)? 11:52, 16:01, 36:01
  16. Dating in Miami/Acceleration/Addicted to Dating Process: 36:01 and 48:13
  17. The reason why fast dating/Tinder is NOT good: 39:11
  18. Why “fast dating” increases chances of missing red flags: 40:04
  19. Dating Tips
    • SLOW DOWN with dating: 40:45
    • Be Nice/Show Support: 41:42
    • Detox: 42:12
  20. Why the internet has made it harder to find a mate: 43:51
  21. Smartphones changed everything: 45:29
  22. Love CODES 47:12
    • Cortisol: 47:28
    • Oxytocin: 49:35
    • Dopamine: 52:03
    • Endorphins: 52:36
    • Serotonin: 52:37
  23. The Neuroscience of a Good Dating Profile: 70:01
  24. Summary/Wrap-up: 54:22
    • Understand your ancient programming: 54:22
    • Understand why and how you’re dating: 54:26
    • Manage the CODES: 54:42
      • Decrease Cortisol, Increase Oxytocin (appropriate touch): 54:47
      • Do something novel (increase dopamine)
      • Add physical activity to date (exercise, walking, etc): 54:52
      • Show connectedness/kindness (Serotonin): 54:53
  25. Why Am I in the Friend Zone?: 55:57
  26. Why am I not getting beyond first dates? 59:19 (includes avoidant attachment discussion)
  27. Why am I not getting beyond the first date, Part II:
    • Miami, Dating Process Addiction, and the Price of Pretty: 60:27
    • Dopamine Addiction and Dating: 61:34
    • Dopamine/Porn-induced Erectile Dysfunction: 62:14
    • The Right Mindset for Dating: 72:14 & 73:00
    • What are you responsible for? 64:07
    • Solution: Stop and Reflect: 67:16
      • Three part dating checklist (Must Haves, Deal Breakers, Would Be Nice If): 67:32
      • Aim for 3 dates: 68:47
      • Past 3, look for alignment & compatibility  
  28. Thank You/Outro: 62:33
  29. Serotonin and why it matters if your goal is a long-term relationship with someone: 63:36
  30. Epigenetics 64:46
  31. Miami – Fast & Superficial? 65:51
  32. What’s wrong with Tinder? 66:51