Talk presented by Bekindr team: Eva Ritvo, MD and D. Craig Calvert
May 2016
WeWork, Miami Beach, FL
Download PDF of Slides: How to Use Neuroscience To Navigate Miami’s Crazy Dating Scene
Bekindr Dating Talk Outline/Timestamps
(complete audio file timestamps)
- Intro to ancient programming: 0:00
- Eva at 9:14, 11:52, 13:33, 16:01, and 31:35
- Not wired for monogamy: 2:10
- Sexual drivers for females: 2:10
- Wired for pairing and sharing: 2:49
- Sperm Competition: 0:30, 11:27
- Female Copulatory Vocalization : 3:46
- Males and Their Hidden Sexual Superpower Detection Skills: 4:58 and 6:34
- Stripper Study: 5:31
- Birth Control: 6:02, 12:30, and 54:59 (MHC – major histocompatibility complex)
- What is beauty: 12:47
- Ovulating: 5:31, 13:30
- Top 3 Things I learned in residency that apply to dating: 21:11
- Porn: 7:08, 47:00
- Attachment Style – Awareness (16:51, 20:04) (overall 16:51 to 26:31)
- Secure: 17:40, 23:55
- Anxious 18:15, 25:56 (Craig interjects at 19:00 on Anxious dating behavior)
- Avoidant: 19:14, 59:19
- Summary of Attachment Styles and Dating Behavior: 20:30
- Ability to change attachment style? 56:59
- Neuroplasticity & Attachment Style 57:31, 73:28
- Male/female resiliency: 74:03
- Love Languages at 26.31
- Why is dating so crazy in Miami (and in general)? 11:52, 16:01, 36:01
- Dating in Miami/Acceleration/Addicted to Dating Process: 36:01 and 48:13
- The reason why fast dating/Tinder is NOT good: 39:11
- Why “fast dating” increases chances of missing red flags: 40:04
- Dating Tips
- SLOW DOWN with dating: 40:45
- Be Nice/Show Support: 41:42
- Detox: 42:12
- Why the internet has made it harder to find a mate: 43:51
- Smartphones changed everything: 45:29
- Love CODES 47:12
- Cortisol: 47:28
- Oxytocin: 49:35
- Dopamine: 52:03
- Endorphins: 52:36
- Serotonin: 52:37
- The Neuroscience of a Good Dating Profile: 70:01
- Summary/Wrap-up: 54:22
- Understand your ancient programming: 54:22
- Understand why and how you’re dating: 54:26
- Manage the CODES: 54:42
- Decrease Cortisol, Increase Oxytocin (appropriate touch): 54:47
- Do something novel (increase dopamine)
- Add physical activity to date (exercise, walking, etc): 54:52
- Show connectedness/kindness (Serotonin): 54:53
- Why Am I in the Friend Zone?: 55:57
- Why am I not getting beyond first dates? 59:19 (includes avoidant attachment discussion)
- Why am I not getting beyond the first date, Part II:
- Miami, Dating Process Addiction, and the Price of Pretty: 60:27
- Dopamine Addiction and Dating: 61:34
- Dopamine/Porn-induced Erectile Dysfunction: 62:14
- The Right Mindset for Dating: 72:14 & 73:00
- What are you responsible for? 64:07
- Solution: Stop and Reflect: 67:16
- Three part dating checklist (Must Haves, Deal Breakers, Would Be Nice If): 67:32
- Aim for 3 dates: 68:47
- Past 3, look for alignment & compatibility
- Thank You/Outro: 62:33
- Serotonin and why it matters if your goal is a long-term relationship with someone: 63:36
- Epigenetics 64:46
- Miami – Fast & Superficial? 65:51
- What’s wrong with Tinder? 66:51